I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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