Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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