She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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