Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
