lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
