oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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