New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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