so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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