I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
