handjob tips. give me some.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
