I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
