Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
