with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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