hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
