She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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