broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Come share oat with me in your robe
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
