Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
