you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
