EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
