on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
