I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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