I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
