I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
