So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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