so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
