What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
