o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
