i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
