plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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