dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
