Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
