when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
