Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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