I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
