I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
