It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
