So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
