Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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