She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
