she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
