There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
