do herpes really smell.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
