so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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