Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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