If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
