fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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