I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
