wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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