She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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