i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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