uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
