what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
