I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
