Apparently you make a good broom.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
When did angry sex become our thing?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
