made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
