Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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