3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
