Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
