I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
