ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I supernannyed him into submission
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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