I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
