Who did Billy Mays play for?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
